"Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address."
- Lane Olinghouse
- Lane Olinghouse
I feel completely alone right now. More so than I have in a very long time. I feel as if I have been severed in two. I have heard that amputees still feel pain in limbs that have been removed, and I think this is true with ones heart. I feel as if my heart is gone, but it still hurts. I feel as if I am missing half of myself. I swore to myself that I wouldn't let myself feel this way again, but I do. I have betrayed myself by expecting too much from someone else.
I don't know how to piece myself back together again. If I were a quilt, I would be tattered, torn and have holes all over. You can patch old quilts and they are useful again, but the new patches never quite look or feel right. Colors fade and threads get bare...I would hope that if I were a quilt that someone would care enough to take the time to fix me. I would hope for patience because sometimes things come unravelled right after they are repaired. Piecing together my past, memories and emotions would make for an interesting quilt (probably a crazy quilt).
I keep finding myself at the same crossroads, left or right? Sometimes the choice is very clear to me. There are times when I just want to run, and never look back (this is usually when I am feeling hopeless). It is so amazing to me that one minute you feel like you are right on track with your life, and the next...? There have been a lot of detours lately. All I want to do is find my way back home, but I keep running into roadblocks. All of the caution signs keep telling me to watch out, but I keep driving past them. Now I'm not sure where I am, and I don't have a fancy computer in my car to tell me which way to go. So now I'm stuck here, and I don't even know where here is. Now I realize that I have a flat tire, so I have to pull over. But where do I stop to fix it? Do I take a chance, and see if there is a town close by? Or do I take my chances on the side of the road? I know what to expect if I stop on the side of the road. There are predictable dangers like getting run over by a passing car or attacked by some bad guy. So what choice should I make? Neither choice will be easy, they both involve getting dirty and potentially getting hurt.
I don't know how to piece myself back together again. If I were a quilt, I would be tattered, torn and have holes all over. You can patch old quilts and they are useful again, but the new patches never quite look or feel right. Colors fade and threads get bare...I would hope that if I were a quilt that someone would care enough to take the time to fix me. I would hope for patience because sometimes things come unravelled right after they are repaired. Piecing together my past, memories and emotions would make for an interesting quilt (probably a crazy quilt).
I keep finding myself at the same crossroads, left or right? Sometimes the choice is very clear to me. There are times when I just want to run, and never look back (this is usually when I am feeling hopeless). It is so amazing to me that one minute you feel like you are right on track with your life, and the next...? There have been a lot of detours lately. All I want to do is find my way back home, but I keep running into roadblocks. All of the caution signs keep telling me to watch out, but I keep driving past them. Now I'm not sure where I am, and I don't have a fancy computer in my car to tell me which way to go. So now I'm stuck here, and I don't even know where here is. Now I realize that I have a flat tire, so I have to pull over. But where do I stop to fix it? Do I take a chance, and see if there is a town close by? Or do I take my chances on the side of the road? I know what to expect if I stop on the side of the road. There are predictable dangers like getting run over by a passing car or attacked by some bad guy. So what choice should I make? Neither choice will be easy, they both involve getting dirty and potentially getting hurt.
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